Shopping Debacle Version Target.0

So normally, when I need to make a purchase of some sort, and also wish to avoid Tom Foolery, I go to Target. In fact, I delight in going to Target. They have all kinds of cool shit, the lines are reasonable, the cashiers are friendly and none of the clientele or employees hit on me. Winwinwin. So I know I need cat food and stuff, so I make my way to Target. "YAY!" I think to myself. HA! Lies and falsehoods. So I get a shopping basket and proceed to fill it with copious amounts of cat food, me food, tissues and mascara. I decide to pick up the cat litter right before I check out b/c it will be heavy as fuck and I didn't wanna hafta tote it for long. So I meander around the store a bit, hoping that the gears in my brain would get to churning and I could get ideas for Christmas gifts for Rob. I went to the electronics section, which is where I inevitably determined that Christmas is cancelled this year. Fuck this, I already bought him every video game system his little heart could desire, the only game I knew he really wanted (Skyrim) is already in his possession. I think for the first time ever, I legit have NO clue what to get him, but I have plenty of ideas regarding what I want. And don't anyone suggest that we just buy our own Christmas gifts! Buying our own gifts ruins the element of surprise, thus ruining my sense of accomplishment in buying something awesome, thus ruining my LIFE. Ugh. But anyway. I'm now depressed as fuck and decide that my shopping excursion is done. I go to get the litter. Please keep in mind that my shopping basket contains 30 cans of cat food, and other miscellaneous items. The cat litter is 31lbs. I am like....112lbs. This was a no go. So I wobble around the store in search of a cart, all the while hoping my arms don't rip off. I find one, only to realize that I am also too short and not-strong to lift this fucking 31lb thing of cat litter into the cart. I KNOW I looked like a dummy trying to hoist this joker into my cart without the cart rolling away and also without me getting severely fucked up somehow. But had anyone offered to help me, I probably would have started to shed tears of embarrassment and just run away. So I finally get all my shit into the cart and get in line. Oh joy....the asian cashier. Let me give you some history. The first time I encountered him, the man in front of me was treating the kid like DOG SHIT. I was like "damn, poor guy." Some people just don't like foreigners. It's my turn in line, and I am determined to be nice to the guy so he doesn't feel bad. FAILSAUCE. This.....joker.....aghhhhh! He bagged the shit all crazy, and when I say crazy, I mean he tried to cram everything into 2 bags. No go. He also gave me the spiel on the Target card, in SEVERELY broken (see: obliterated) english. I politely declined, grabbed my 2 screaming-full bags and kept it moving. TODAY.....he attempts to cram 3 boxes of mac & cheese bites, 2 boxes of tissues, one mascara, one pack of cat toys, one thing of oreos and 30 FUCKING CANS OF CAT FOOD into 2 bags. NO! STOP! I take the bags from him and open a new bag. Because I AM  an expert, 30 cans of cat food cannot coexist with other shit! Fuck. He says "Target card, save 5%". No I'm good. He rings everything up, stops and says something indecipherable. And stares at me. Like I'm supposed to reply. "What?" He repeats himself. Nope....I got nothin. "Yeaaaaaaaummmmmmmidunno.....there should be 30 cans of cat food total." SWIPE! lol. I had NO CLUE what he said. At all. And that's a problem. There's a lady at Target who is hard of hearing. She talks a little funny, but I can comprehend her and she's nice and doesn't bag my shit all crazy. There's a little indian man who is also a little hard to understand but he's very nice and ALSO does not bag my shit all crazy. This kid barely speaks english and I do not speak crazy-nese, so we are at an impass. I drive my little cart out of the store and go the fuck home. Sorry to say that my shopping experience at Target effectively cured my writers block. UGHHHH.